josh talks to himself on columbus day

i'm not trying to be a buzzkill. that's what i keep telling myself.

i quit drinking. but it's not cuz i wanna ruin the party. it's just that the atmosphere at my party changed. i'm not a grinch and i don't want anybody else to stop drinking or smoking or doing whatever it is they do for fun... but i just made my own decision for me. it makes me happy. i'm very happy being sober. i need you to know that this was a sacrifice that would eventually lead to a better party, a better frame of mind, a better experience, a better existence. and that's where i'm at.

i started occupying wall street and giving a fuck a whole lot about stuff like that. bit i didn't do it to ruin the mood. i understand that people are gonna continue to keep up with the kardashians and turn on the news because all they really wanna know about is the fate of michael jackson's doctor. i didn't start caring about more serious things to bring you down. this is just what feels right inside of my head. when i'm concerned and reading and posting and talking and chanting about all things against our corrupted corporate influenced political system, i didn't do it to be someone else's bad time. i just started caring a little more about certain things and right now this is just what works for me.

i don't hate the idea of columbus day to be a hater. i'm trying to fight the hate. i think columbus was the original hater. i just don't wanna see him glorified with a holiday of his own. i don't want people to be happy to be off from work cuz christopher columbus raped and pillaged and killed. maybe i am hating. but when do we stop calling someone a player hater? isn't the disagreement of a holiday for a bad thing like this really just a righteous frame of mind? i don't think anyone can say, 'stop hating on columbus man, he was just doing his thing.' that'd be like saying, 'don't hate on jeffrey dahmer or bin laden or adolph hitler man... they were just doing their thing.'

and i'm not trying to be an asshole when i say to you stop talking shit about other people to me. i just don't wanna hear it. i know you think we got nothing else to talk about except the people we know mutually, but we live in a world gone wrong, a place that needs new ideas. we live in a world filled with things to like and things to do. we don't need to waste moments of our lives talking about people we know when they're not around.

stop going through the motions blindly. think some shit out. you're doing good. you've made a lot of progress. i'm proud of you. it's not vain to say that. it's not weird or odd. it's just been a long time since i've said that to you. keep it going. progress is always possible. there's always another direction to move one foot forward. take what you've done and keep building. you smile more lately, real smiles, not that fake bs smile you paste on for other people when you tell them everything is fine cuz really you don't wanna get stuck in awkward convos that they probably won't understand anyways.... real fucking smiles. keep it up. i'll be with you along the way.