dear mtv (a love story with a sad ending)

dear mtv,

i'm on to you. i see what you're trying to do. i know we had a good thing for such a long time. but we both changed over time and you need to understand that the chemistry just isn't there anymore.

you do this about once a year now... you pretend to be something like you used to be when i still loved you. once a year you put on a big show, make a really big deal about it, and you get everyone talking. everyone takes you very serious. celebrities give it their all just for you. somehow, once a year, you pull out this trick where you become as popular and as respected for music as you once were.

but give it up mtv. you seem to have a lot of people fooled, but i see through it. tomorrow you'll go back to being your regular shallow self. you'll lure everyone in and your name will be on everyone's lips. but tomorrow it'll be the same disappointment. you're trying to build me up but i know the disappointment that would lie ahead if i came back to you.

mtv, i was a younger dude when i first fell in love with you. i loved you before i knew what being cool was. in a way, you helped teach me what was cool. i remember we used to spend countless hours together listening to all the tunes of the day. i'd never get tired of you. sometimes you'd repeat the same thing over and over and over and still i would sit by your side and listen.

you told me what was good for me. and we had some times. remember the motley crue phase? what about the vanilla ice/mc hammer phase? that was fun! and then you showed me what a tool i was by exposing me to grunge. and before i knew it, i was a flannel wearing teenage dirt bag.

somewhere around this time you started to change things up a bit, but i didn't mind. you gave me tv shows but who can't appreciate quality stuff like 'beavis and butthead,' and, 'the state?' we'd laugh and then rock out for 120 consecutive minutes.

sometimes you even tried to expose me to new things that i didn't understand... and i'd sit through 'YO MTV raps,' and think, 'y'know what mtv? that's pretty cool stuff right there. thank you!'

and then came 'the real world.' i didn't quite understand. we're gonna watch people live in a house together? i mean, i get it, puck's the fun loving troublemaker i sorta identify with... but i really don't wanna sit around and watch people live. y'know what mtv, i'll be right back.. i'm gonna go use up some of those free aol minutes i just got in the mail.

and then things got weird. i'd tell other people that i didn't understand this new, weird turn you were taking. but a lot of other people really liked it. what was wrong with me? mtv surely knew what was right and good... i mean after all these years, how could mtv steer me wrong? it has to be me?

and then i don't really know what happened. i started smoking pot, hanging out more, and watching tv less. i was downloading music on napster and making my own cd's. i could download music while i aim'd with friends and played games online.

i guess i was cheating on you mtv. i'm sorry about that. but you really threw me through a loop with the weird tv shows i wasn't enjoying. i felt weird around you and i went elsewhere to feel less weird.

but you reacted poorly. i guess your self esteem has always been low. you thought you were in it for the music, but what you were really chasing was mass acceptance and you were willing to sacrifice the cornerstones of who you were to get it.

i seen you the other day and there was no music. there were no countdowns. the good times of our past were gone and never coming back. all i saw was a bunch of weird shows of "real" people living in houses.

and yet once a year you still put on a show. you pretend you are what you once were. and for one night everyone seems to play along. but i won't sit through your charade. i'm not saying it sucks or it's not enjoyable to watch. but i don't wanna get caught up in the moment. i don't wanna sit through your 2-3 hours of music entertainment and think, 'she's coming back! mtv's all about the music again!' i know the awkward moment that comes as soon as your little show is over. the mask comes off and we see you for who you are, a channel that's willing to show the most shallow form of tv entertainment to keep the masses entertained. i'm sure you do good for ratings mtv, i'm sure you're loved by millions.

but i want what i can't have... what i'll never have, what's never coming back...

i want my...
i want my...
i want my mtv.